


It's Not Your Fault

by Tinybit92



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-12
Updated: 2012-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-03 12:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/381336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinybit92/pseuds/Tinybit92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Alpha and Beta kids finally meet up, who do you think will be in charge of explaining things? Why, Rose, of course. However, explaining what's happening involves talking about her mom. And more importantly, talking to a young version of her mom. She's terrified. But, maybe she'll find unexpected comfort in this confrontation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> Lalondes, stop making me sadstuck!

“Okay, okay. So, let’s get this straight.” Roxy closes her eyes for a second in thought before she looks at you and speaks again. “You are from another universe, in which you and your pals played Sburb, and I was your mom. But then you had to reset the session thanks to some psycho god dog creep, and now me and my friends are the ones playing the game. But you guys didn’t want to stop existing, so you traveled through the void, which is my thing, and basically used it to jump universes.”  
  
“Correct. As it turns out, we were supposed to ‘jump universes,’ because your session is also null. Albeit, for very different reasons than ours. The only way we will finally be able to win the game is by combining resources from both of our sessions.”  
  
You watch as Roxy stops to try and soak all this in. You are rather grateful for her constant pauses, because you are still trying very hard to get a grasp on this yourself. Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you just can’t handle seeing this version of your mother, who is not only alive and well, but also your age. Granted, you were fully aware this would be the case. Being forewarned does not make it any less surreal.  
  
Jane decides to take advantage of her friend’s silence to ask her own question. “So, does that mean there are adult versions of all of us somewhere around here?” She glances at the large crown of beings still unloading from the golden ship.  
  
You can feel your heart sink. You didn’t want to have to talk about this, as inevitable as it may have been. “Yes and no.” You hesitate. “First, to be clear, regardless of what you were all called, as far as genetics are concerned, Jake and Jane are John and Jade’s parents while Roxy and Dirk are mine and Dave’s.” You give that a moment to sink in while everyone but Dirk blushes at the thought.  
  
“Moving on. Jane, in our universe, you were John’s grandmother.” John, standing nearby behind you, waves enthusiastically upon hearing his name. “She passed away long before our game started. However, her ashes fell into John’s kernel sprite and created a bizarre clown version of her.”  
  
Jane laughs at this idea, and Roxy gives a loud snort in attempt to hold off a fit of giggles. “Old lady, clown Jane,” she mutters to her friend.  
  
“Nannasprite is running around here somewhere,” John says with a grin. “She’s probably trying to feed people more Batterwitch cookies.” He sticks out his tongue in disgust.  
  
“Ha! I told you!” Roxy suddenly shouts. “He’s from another universe and he know she’s evil!”  
  
“Fine, fine. I already said I believe you now, Roxy.”  
  
You can’t help but smile at the antics of this girl, who is your mother, but also not your mother. “Anyway. Jake was Jade’s grandfather in our universe. He was accidentally shot and killed when she was still very young. She was subsequently raised by her omnipotent dog, Becquerel.”  
  
“Oh, no.” Jane looked heartbroken at the thought of Jake being shot.  
  
“Well, that bloody sucks.” Jake seems more disappointed at his death than upset.  
  
“Omnipotent dog? Are we talking about a dog version of Gcat here?” Roxy asks.  
  
“If so, I bet the dog was much less of an asshole.” Roxy glares at Dirk for his comment.  
  
“Dirk raised Dave in our universe. They called each other brothers, but his role was really more that of a father. He went to fight Jack by himself, and was apparently doing very well. But then Bec was prototyped. Any advantage he may have had was lost.” You hesitate to say the next part, but then Dirk says it for you.  
  
“So, I’m dead.” You can’t tell if his expression changes or not behind his shades.  
  
Roxy reaches over and pulls him into a quick hug. He pats her on the back by way of thanks, and she lets go.  
  
You’re terrified to talk about your mother. _It’s been three years,_ you tell yourself. _You can do this Rose._ “Roxy, as I’ve already stated, was my mother.” You feel your throat close up and gulp around the lump. Suddenly there is a hand on your shoulder, and you turn around to see John standing there with a look of sympathy and concern. You place your own hand atop his in a silent thank you. He keeps it there after you’ve let go, determined to support you. “She came into the game with us, and I lost track of her. By the time I found out where she was…” You can’t finish the sentence. Dammit, why can’t you finish the sentence. And why is Roxy staring at you like that. Seeing her face is making this so much more difficult than it already is.  
  
John gently squeezes your shoulder and talks for you. His voice is very quiet, as though he’s afraid speaking at a normal volume might break you. Or perhaps it would break him as well. “She was on a date with my dad. They were on top of this castle, and Jack got them both. Rose found out before I did.”  
  
Roxy covers her mouth with one hand like she’s trying not to vomit. “Fuck.” She looks at her friends. “I don’t know about you guys, but I am way too sober to be dealing with this. Where the hell is my vodka?”  
  
Your heart stops. For a moment you are certain you’ve forgotten how to breath. “You drink?” Your own voice sounds foreign to you. It’s too quiet, too faltering and full of disbelief.  
  
“Uh, yeah. I mean, I know I’m too young and all that, but I’ve got a lot of shit to deal with, and it really helps.”  
  
She drinks too. She’s fifteen, and from another universe, and she still gets drunk. She never drank because of you. It’s just what she does. It wasn’t your fault.  
  
You suddenly can’t support your own weight. You drop to your knees, and despite your carefully constructed mask of constantly being in control of your own emotions, you break down sobbing. You stare at the ground and can barely see that through your own tears.  
  
“Rose! Are you okay?” You hear John’s voice.  
  
Then Roxy. “Oh, fuck! Shit! What’d I do?” You hear rapid footsteps, then someone dropping to the ground next to you. “Hey. Hey, are you alright? What’s wrong?” Roxy’s hand is on your arm, and you try to talk to her, but you only cry harder. “Oh god, please stop crying. I don’t even know what I did, but I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, just please stop crying.”  
  
She’s desperate, so you do your best to try and explain through the tears. At first, all you can get out is, “I thought it was my fault.”  
  
“What?” Confusion rings clear in her tone.  
  
“She was always drunk. Always drinking. I thought it was because of me.” You are hiccupping and gasping between sentences. “I thought it was because she was stuck raising me, and I just made her life so miserable that she had to drink all the time to deal with it. But you…” You trail off into sobbing again and finally look up at her. She looks so lost. Like she has no idea how to react to the information you’ve just dumped on her. But then you watch as it sinks in. Her expression changes from confusion to complete despair and she pulls you into a tight hug.  
  
“Shit. I’m so sorry. I am such a horrible person.”  
  
Something like a laugh finds it’s way out your throat. “No you’re not.”  
  
“Obviously I am. Look at you. You wouldn’t be crying like this if I wasn’t.” She pulls you even closer. “I’m sorry. I know I’m apologizing for someone who isn’t me. But I still feel totally responsible for this. I promise you, the other me, the one who was your mom, she couldn’t possibly have been drinking because you made her miserable. You are way too great of a person.”  
  
“You’ve barely known me for twenty minutes.”  
  
“Doesn’t matter. I can already tell, you are just amazing. I’d love to have a daughter like you. If her drinking ever had anything to do with you, it would have been because you are this perfect girl, and she would’ve known she was just way too big a piece of shit to deserve to have someone like you for a kid.”  
  
And now you’re both crying.  
  
“You are not a piece of shit. My mother was a beautiful woman, a brilliant scientist, and the most overindulgent parent in world.” You laugh. “Before we entered the medium, she gave me a pony. Just because. I thought she was mocking me at the time. But now that I’ve met you, I’m convinced my mother’s over the top displays of affection couldn’t have been anything but sincere. I honestly feel like a giant bitch for ever doubting her.”  
  
“Please don’t. I’ve never had any family. Now that you’re here, I’d hate be the one to make you feel bad.”  
  
You laugh. Then Roxy laughs. Suddenly you’re holding onto each other and laughing instead of crying.  
  
In a few minutes, you’ve both calmed down, and you pull back from the hug to look at each other with smiles on your faces.  
  
“Thank you,” you say.  
  
She just nods, wiping away the last of her tears. She sighs, then stands up very suddenly. “Well, that was the last straw. I’m done. No more drinking. Never, ever again.”  
  
“What?” Even if this isn’t really your mom, hearing Roxy say that makes your brain practically short circuit.  
  
“I mean it, I’m done. I don’t want to make anyone else cry.”  
  
Jane leaps up without warning and hugs her BFF. She turns to you without letting go and grins. “I’ve been trying to convince her to stop for so long. Thank you.”  
  
You realize at that moment that Roxy didn’t care enough about herself to stop drinking for her own sake. But she cared about you, and she’d stop for your sake.

**Author's Note:**

> Roxy seems like the kind of person who doesn't much care for her own well-being, but will do literally anything for those she cares about. If you're wondering where I got the idea that Rose thinks it's her fault, go back and read the pesterlog from when her mom died. She says point blank that she felt like a burden to her mother. I'm only barely reading between the lines here.


End file.
